Land of Illusion Review

Although I wrote this review of Land of Illusion for my student newspaper, various factors resulted in it not being published within the October 1 issue. Instead, I've set it on the back-burner for a possible return a year from now in the October 2011 issue of the Voice. For now, however, I decided there'd be no harm in publishing it to my blog. Take note that, unlike my published stories, this hasn't undergone any edits or review.

            As the leaves begin falling from the trees and the temperatures drop, dozens of local haunted houses and trails open for business. Featuring detailed sets, state-of-the-art special effects and talented performers, these Halloween attractions are a staple of the fall season. Although Kings Island’s Halloween Haunt is perhaps the most popular amongst West students, a handful of other events are within a thirty-minute drive. Included in this list is Middletown’s Land of Illusion, a “haunted theme park” a friend and I visited in September.

            Land of Illusion has evolved over the years from one simple trail to five unique haunted attractions, each featuring a different theme. All five are included with admission, although each house and trail features a separate queue line that we had to wait in.

            Temple of Terror- Our first attraction of the night, Temple of Terror is set within an ancient temple filled with corpses and curses. The attraction starts off good- a shaking room with a possessed character warning you to turn back. Past this, however, the house quickly becomes repetitive- coffin after coffin with corpse after corpse. Although an animatronic adds variety here-and-there, it’s not until the very end that the attraction proves noteworthy. It’s here that a special effect guarantees to scare, sending visitors to their knees as they cover their heads. Overall rating- 3/5

            Middletown Haunted Trail- Our second attraction and the trail that started it all, the Middletown Haunted Trail is a massive outdoor haunt that meanders through the woods, over water, into various buildings and over a distance of approximately half a mile. Unlike the other four attractions, which all have a single generic theme, the trail is host to a handful of different subjects- vampires, a slaughterhouse, aliens, hillbillies, and military.

The trail takes about twenty-five minutes to complete and features some of the most impressive sets and effects in any Ohio haunted house. One performer holds a flamethrower, projecting fire towards guests. Another actor stands atop an abandoned bus that guests must walk through. Other actors are armed with chainsaws, shotguns, axes and other frightening weapons. Although I consider myself a fearless person when it comes to haunted houses, I found myself startled and scared multiple times in this trail. This attraction alone is worth the price of admission to Land of Illusion. Overall rating- 5/5

            3-D Killer Klowns- Fluorescent paint and black lighting create the whimsical and wacky hallways and scenes within 3-D Killer Klowns, one of Land of Illusion’s newest haunted houses. However, beyond the unique color palette, this house provides nothing noteworthy. The fire-hazard queue is tight and dark, the 3D glasses are “recycled” (I don’t want to know how many others wore the cheap piece of paper and plastic before me), and the theme fails. Half the house twists and turns through a nightmarish circus, while the remainder randomly darts outside through a chain link fence maze and into a hillbilly home. The attraction was also severely understaffed when we went through, creating long absences of anyone trying to scare us. Overall rating- 1/5

            Dr. Psycho’s Haunted Estate- Our second-to-last house of the night, Dr. Psycho’s Haunted Estate is an indoor and outdoor trail through a home that predates Land of Illusion. The Estate features a classic haunted house theme- an outdoor cemetery with a generic manor inside. The cemetery segment is home to some great scares- a hanging body, animated skeletons, and a collection of well-hidden performers.

            The inside provides a unique “classic” haunted house experience, comparable to the famous St. Rita’s Haunted School House in Cincinnati. Tight corridors, steep staircases, and narrow passageways are half the fun, as are the cramped corridors and aged props that hide some of the attraction’s best actors. The only negative to the house is its failure in continually providing scares, something that the Trail successfully did. Overall rating- 4/5

            VooDoo Bayou Shanty- Land of Illusion’s newest haunted house and our last one of the night, the VooDoo Bayou Shanty takes visitors through an overgrown Louisiana swamp and into an abandoned shack. Within the walls of this rickety structure are an assortment of performers and detailed props, all reflecting a quaint- and creepy- marshland home.

            Like the Trail, the Shanty successfully managed to pull a few scares out of me. Sudden appearances of performers (including a grandma on a powered wheel chair) and unexpected scares were only the beginning. Alongside the scares, the crew inside the Shanty was perhaps the most enthusiastic we encountered all night- the comedic characters were making sure we had a scary good time. The downside to the Shanty, however, was its short length and time- it was possibly the event’s smallest haunted house. Overall rating- 4/5

            Land of Illusion is open Friday through Sunday until the end of October. Admission is $29.95, although discounts are available online.